Progress/Process

Prewash

Postwash

After wet-finishing, Mom's two pieces of fabric weren't as different in softness as when they came off the loom, but different enough we have to rely on the knowledge and skills of her friend who will help Mom design something, and sew it for her. I still like to see a vest with stand collar is nice, but they could up up with a mindblowing geometric something. Who knows.

I wove another fabric using a merino bouclé in the weft, thinking it would absorb the different elasticity of the warp yarns. (Both above and below, the red looks to pale and pink; they are saturated deep blue red, deeper than the top pic.) It did; every time I advanced the warp there was a skinny wedge-shaped gap on the right, but after the piece rested off the loom for a couple of days, they were almost invisible; after wet finish, the difference appears to have been absorbed.

I had thought another bouclé or otherwise uneven textured yarn in many colors would be best, and had chosen the middle yarn in variegated blues/purples/orange I saved for a special project. But after I finished the bouclé, I wove an inch of plain weave as I do with all my fabrics, and goodness, I liked the look of untextured cloth. So, even though I knew it probably wasn't the best decision, I started the last piece using possum/merino/silk mix in darkish burgundy with charcoal flecks. (Probably less blue than the above pic.) The special yarn looks better with cooler colors in the warp, I think, that doesn't bring out the orange so much, as seen in this warp-end swatch.

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I've been feeling boring; not bored, but boring. My mind is dull, I'm boring, and my pieces are boring.

I find stash-busting projects I design around yarns uncomfortable, mostly because I'm not used to yarns as a starting point and can't seem to shift to the whole cloth smoothly. I find making interesting designs on four challenging, mainly because I have this prejudice four-shaft projects should be quick and easy. And these expose my technical weaknesses and this is so aggravating/discouraging; without good technique, I can't fathom weaving those simple but sublime pieces. Some of the latest show I'm getting technically suckier and I wonder what I'm lacking: mental prowess, dedication, concentration, or if it's aging, mental or physical.

I envy the ease, with paper or needlepoint, I could start on/move between project; I don't have to work serially but can revisit/revise. The best I can do with weaving is to have multiple looms dressed at all times, but it's not the same.

My life has been work-friendly where I have been free to engage in multiple long-term or in-depth projects, but I can't seem to settle on topics/subjects and instead spend a lot of time on casual reading, mostly online. As if my heart isn't really in it, although I so want it to be. I'm mildly but constantly tired. I wonder if I'm mildly depressed, but because I've learned how to distract myself I've managed to float above it, without it completely going away. Whatever, it's been frustrating and not productive in a proactive way; I've managed to weave on good days, for a while, but somehow frequently enough.

I also feel this weird almost symbiotic relationship with Mom, where we talk, then I unconsciously adopt her characteristics/complaints. I've noticed this once before after some weeks in Japan, but this time it's been overwhelming. I know this is not me because symptoms like a) not being able to concentrate/dig deep, or b) not sampling enough before selecting wefts and then discovering they were so wrong and I knew it if I thought about it, are so not me but totally her. It's as if her characteristics/complaints have taken over me.

I remember, a decade ago, every project was a big deal and I went through the design process, reinventing the wheel for each. That was my default way and it still feels "right". Then Ali suggested I not reinvent the wheel for every piece, so I started to look into series/variations; usually one warp/three pieces came out of a project/idea.

I must have also started thinking about "production", as in making pieces quickly to sell. In doing so my relationship with each piece became diluted, while my focus unintendedly shifted to simplifying/systematizing, (making easier,) the making; which I guess implies there is a "standard" and every piece is reviewed with a checklist. I was always unattached to my finished pieces, I couldn't wait for them to walk out the door, but now I feel uninvolved in the making.

I've been thinking of a standard size or three for online shop pieces so I have standard packaging; developing a pattern or three for cute bags to make with warp-end swatches; and as ever, the visual cohesion. I know some of this make sense, and they may save cost, but yikes, that's exactly what I hate and have been screaming about, the bottom-line/accountant-led society of the last 30 years, right? Moreover, do people want Scarf#2 from a set of six when buying directly from a weaver? Do you know what I mean?

I think series are still good; it provides a chance to stay with the project and see it from different angles or delve in different ways. I think focus on unique characteristics of yarns is good if I could stop see them as locking me in a certain way of designing. I have many interesting ideas and concepts, although I've noticed I'm not as partial to some but feel they are equally interesting, and I can't decide if this is a good or bad because it's not me. I can't decide if I get more excited about successful color combinations or drafts. And there is no one idea, material, or mental picture jumping up and down for attention. Luckily I'm not too tired or old, yet, to quit; I still have the desire to get back into the game.

I've been itching to work on a gray project deserving of some contemplation. I hope I get my brain juice back next week.