Under the Weather

And because I really don't want to make this blog about non-illnesses or aging, I didn't have much to say.

First problem is the usual mild but persistent fever/headache, but after three or four or five continuous weeks of it, I was exhausted and I went to see my doc, who said it's hot flashes coming back after 14 years, Excuse me?, and gave me a prescription for 500 paracetamols. I said it's different kinds of heat, but he just smiled. I used to like the guy; I'd still like to think he's not a quack, but I think it was very unprofessional and inappropriate.

I still have it, but this fever I've lived with for decades, and armed with 500 paracetamols, I'm coping.

A more urgent one has been the joints. About four or five weeks ago one morning I had pain in my hips and I was reduced to crawling in the living room; I've also had strange muscle/nerve aches in other places, so for starters I got anti-inflammatories. It didn't seem to help, so I told the doc, and he smiled and said to wait until the anti-inflamatories start to kick in. The strange thing is, I didn't fall or slip or bump into anything, so I'm still not sure how this came about.

I'm nearly finished with the bottle, but the right hip still hurts, sometimes I can't put any weight on it, (coming up the stairs with a basket full of finished but wet laundry can make you laugh for a good five minutes,)  and perhaps to compensate, my left ankle huts, too, sometimes. Sometimes some of my leg/foot joints suddenly give away as if the battery runs out. And they make noise like a plastic guitar pick being flicked with fingernails.

I wanted to have a Bowen Technique massage first so I can rule out muscle problems, but Kathleen is no longer in the phone book and I'm not motivated enough to try another. We have a good physiotherapist but I can't motivate myself to limp to her place. I may need to find a new doctor, but I keep putting it off. If I were sicker, or healthier, I might have done these things, but I've been in that oh-so-ho-hum place and I've held my breath waiting for things to get better.   

And I still say I'm not exactly depressed; or else it's very mild and I'm coping very well. I've had some monumental problems on the loom, (a lot more on this in another post,) so I've been cooking a lot, doing housework, and drawing some, (more on this in yet another post,) and the house is in a much nicer shape than when I'm motivated to work. While weaving can sometimes kick start my brain sometimes, the result is risky  so I didn't go near the work loom for over a month.

I've felt unemotional and fussy and grumpy but not down. When I read about successes or travels in your blogs, I wasn't jealous of your luck or opportunities, but I envied your stamina and perseverance. There have been small stuff that worked against me, so I have this nagging voice in the background that this is going to be one mightily sucky year, but I'm doing a great job of forgetting them, too, so this is why I don't think I'm depressed. And I keep hoping this is not going to be the way it's always going to be but just a glitch.

The leg/hip thing worries me, so although we've been having lovely autumnal days in between real rain, I've gone out to the garden only once in the last forever. Even my imagination has gotten timid; when I can't sleep, sometimes I visualize myself flying over Nelson, or doing super fancy stuff on a trampoline. I'm not sure how these started, but I stopped the trampoline routine in my head so as not to aggravate my hip, and when I go flying, I skip the landing part.Wuss!

And in real life, it hasn't been all bad luck. Win's friend Jean rang me last week to invite me to coffee when Win comes to visit tomorrow; that got me finally having a look at pieces left unfinished for up to two months; some can go to the gallery tomorrow. Connie and Nicole emailed me to inquire on the same morning if I had fallen off the planet; they were kinder, but they had mentioned my not having posted for a month. I, who don't often win things, won five packets of fragrant flower seeds from my fav seed place and two cute rolls of washi tapes from a scrapbook supply shop in Blenheim.

I'm still here. Just operating at between 15% and 35% capacity at the moment. But thank you for asking.