Debriefing - Part 3 of 3 and the Last on "Beginnings" (I Think)

This will probably the last post regarding "Beginnings" unless something dramatic, funny, or dramatically funny happens.  I've not thought about it for a while, but I prepared these debriefing drafts a while back and the sentiments are still true, so decided to post them.

I feel a little bit confident in being able to bring to life pictures in my head, albeit it in a much-revised (reduced?) version, and within the limits of knowledge/skill/equipments. I've done this with shawls, but I have now done one that's bigger and unutilitarian. (Though I still insist Pillars fabric make really nice jacket/three-quarter length coat; just mind the floats.) I don't know if it's the same thing, but I feel more at east with where I am and what I make.

For years I hoped to one day buy a purpose-build computer-controlled loom with preferably more than the current 16 shafts, and to that end I tried to save my pennies, though they have a nasty habit of dissipating when I "needed" books and workshops. In the last year or so I've started to think I shall never be blessed with that kind of funds and am slowly coming to terms with it. One of my goals was to have such a loom by the time I was 55, (6 months to go now,)  so I am fully familiar with the loom by the time I'm, say, 60. I've noticed in recent years I forget things faster than I ever have and it takes me so many repetition to learn something new.

I'm not sure if I've given up, grew up, or something else. Part of the decline in equipment lust has been due to living with a project for longer, and I hope, delving deeper. I also enjoy revisiting an old idea. This new mode gives me great satisfaction I did not experience when I was hopping from one idea to the next. I even stopped wanting every new weaving book that comes out, which is a big change. And I've become addicted to the quieter, more subtle, inner satisfaction in my making.

(Still, if you have a computer-controlled 24 or 36 (or a home Jacquard!!!) sitting around unloved, talk to me before you turn it into fire wood.)

In the event I do accumulate some nickels and dimes, I think I prefer to travel now. And experience other places, architecture, and cuisine. And speaking of food, I most definitely have to exercise; six months lock-down was good for the soul but most definitely not for the body. I feel fat in my fat clothes now!